Boast in Weakness

2 Corinthians 12:9 - But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

I am going to try to make this week’s blog pretty straight forward because to be honest with you, I am still figuring it all out. Basically, I just want to share something that happened to me recently and how the Holy Spirit has used this verse to sustain me through it all.

As you might already know from previous blogs, I’ve always been an anxious person. Well recently, out of nowhere, I experienced several full blown, out of my physical control, panic attacks. At first I didn’t understand that these “episodes” were panic attacks and because of that I ended up getting checked out by several firemen, and even got sent to the ER. 

I went to my doctor and explained to him what had been happening. He understood completely but since I had just gotten over COVID, and because it’s possible to develop blood clots after having COVID, my doctor wanted me to get tested for blood clots just to cross that possibility off hence the reason I was sent to the ER.

Thanks to COVID I had to go to the ER all by myself.... No visitors. So there I was, hooked up to all of these machines, IV in my arm, just waiting for the next test to walk through the door. Oh and did I mention all of this happened within a 4 day period?...

I thought I had experienced a panic attack before, but what was happening to me now made what I thought was an attack years ago look like nothing. The scariest part was having to surrender to whatever my body decided to do. I had never felt like this before and had no idea what was going on.

After several tests and appointments, my doctor told me that everything came back fine and that it all came down to anxiety. When he told me this, I was relieved because everything having to do with my body’s physical health had checked out fine. On the other hand though, I felt very discouraged.

I felt discouraged that my anxiety had gone this far and had taken this kind of power over me to an uncontrollable, physical-type extent. I had never experienced that before. He then told me that he was going to prescribe me some medicine to help with the anxiety.

If I’m being honest with you, I had mixed emotions about being put on anxiety medicine at first. A part of me felt like there was a stigma when it came to mental health and medication, and a part of me almost felt weak for having to take it.

I felt like I wasn’t strong enough to do it on my own. And honestly, I wasn’t completely wrong in thinking that. Plain and simple, I couldn’t do it on my own. The fear had overtaken me to a degree that I couldn’t manage and I needed help. That was a humbling moment for me.

I was experiencing fear in ways I hadn’t ever before but as a result, I pursued Jesus like never before. I’m not going to lie... it was very hard. I was drained and emotionally exhausted.

What made it easier was knowing that the only person who understood exactly what was going on in my mind and body was Jesus, so I wanted to chase after Him for answers, relief, comfort, and peace.

I came across this verse and it has been the comfort that I have held onto to this day. The Lord says that His grace is sufficient and because His grace is sufficient for me, I can and should choose to boast in my weaknesses because it is through my weaknesses that Christ’s power rests upon me all the more. 

Instead of looking at what was happening to me as something that made me “less than” or “weak,” the Holy Spirit empowered me to view it as an opportunity to spring forward in my relationship with Him.

I am learning that weaknesses are not always a bad thing. I am learning that every day. I trust that the Lord is using this to draw us closer together, but in order for that to happen, I must cooperate and pursue Him back. Some days are harder than others but what I’m learning to do is adjust, slow down, and figure out healthy habits and boundaries to implement in my daily life.

I have to make a daily decision to look at my weaknesses as an opportunity and form of ammo to fight the enemy back. What he thought he was going to use to break me down and put me back in my walk is the very thing that I am choosing to use to make my spiritual life stronger than it ever would've been before.

I hope that there is something in your life that you can apply this principle to as well. It makes things easier and more motivating to get through. If we all begin to look at our weaknesses as the very thing that will make us stronger, all because of Jesus, that we will begin to flourish in ways we never expected and be happier and better for it. I am believing that for myself too.

- Crystal