But Are You Willing?

Growing up, I felt the Lord calling me to sing in public. I didn’t know when or where, I just knew that was something the Lord wanted me to be involved in at some point. When I was in high school, I decided to join the chapel band at my school. 

I also started singing in the youth group at my church. After graduation, I continued singing in the youth band and even got asked to sing more at other church events.

As I began to sing in front of more people, I became more and more self-conscious. Instead of remembering that this was something that the Lord had called me into, I began comparing myself to all of the talented people around me and thinking about how under-qualified I was compared to all of them.  

What the Lord had initially called me into, to glorify Him, became something that began to fuel fear and pride in my life.

As a result I would get so nervous and insecure before each set. I thought that if I messed up even a little bit, then I was just terrible and should just stop singing altogether. I became so insecure and easily offended. And when I did get a compliment, my confidence and pride went up a few notches.

Singing became this cycle of fear and pride in my life. 

It wasn’t that I was a bad singer, it was that I put pressure on myself to be THE BEST singer. Instead of just singing with a heart of worship, I nervously sang with the motivation of impressing. That’s probably why the Lord never really allowed me to feel completely confident about it.

What was first a humble act of obedience became something that was actually hurting my spiritual growth. I had made it all about me instead of all about Him.

Eventually, I decided to “take a break.” I didn’t know how long this break would last, or if I would ever want to sing again, but I knew it needed to be done for my own spiritual good. 

A year or so passed but the situation never left my mind. I wondered where it went wrong or how I could've stopped it. This was a back and forth prayer that began to reveal so much about myself that I needed to learn.

Eventually, I felt like I had come to a place of peace. I even told the Lord that if I was ever approached with singing again, that I would say yes because I felt like I was at a place where I could step out in humble obedience again with the intention of glorifying, not self promoting. (a lot of time had passed, so I never thought anyone would actually ask me again.. HAH!)

You can say you trust God all day long, but do your actions show you’re willing to obey Him?

Well, one night I was sitting in a church service and got a random text from a friend that said something like this. “Hey Crystal. As you know, I am getting married soon and I would just love it if you could maybe sing a worship song during the ceremony! Would you be willing to do that?” 

I almost remember smirking up towards the ceiling after I read it thinking “Oh here we go.” I immediately remembered how I had told the Lord that I would say yes in obedience if ever approached again…..

I remember sitting there debating which route I was actually going to take now that I was faced with the decision. I thought about how saying no would be continuing to allow fear and insecurity to have a hold over me even though I had just claimed victory over it weeks prior. 

Not today Satan!

Without thinking another thought I sent back that yes I would love to sing at the wedding! What came next was such a God moment that was so personal to me that I still get chills when I think about it. 

The response went something like this…. “Well never mind. We actually decided to go a different route.... for some reason I just felt like I needed to text you and ask you to see if you’d be willing.” (CHILLS.)

I remember reading her response and getting the biggest grin on my face because I knew that I had just been obedient in God’s eyes by simply being willing.

Being willing is sometimes all the obedience that the Lord requires. Just being willing proves that we trust His ways over our own. Just being willing can take you far.

My friend may never know the impact that conversation had on me that night. She might've even thought that she hurt my feelings by saying never mind after I had already said yes... And Lord knows what would’ve happened if I had said no... Either way the Lord and I got to share a personal moment together. 

Make room for personal God moments of your own.

I hope this story encourages you on your walk with Jesus today. I pray that whatever it is that you’re going through right now, that you would have the courage to step out in faith and be willing to obey.

So that raises the question… Are you willing to say yes to what Jesus might require of you? I challenge you to try it. Be willing once. I believe it will light a fire within you that is drawn to the chase of being obedient to Christ and that alone will take you far.

- Crystal