Earlier this year, I felt like I wasn’t really doing anything of value with my life. Everyday I cooked, cleaned, fed my hubby/dog, slept and repeated that over again the next day. It felt like everyone around me was thriving and living life and there I was just doing things to pass the time.
I eventually got into the habit of waking up already feeling frustrated/bored thinking what in the world am I doing with my life. I got to a place where I didn’t even have the energy to figure out a solution either. I had no motivation. I was so low and didn’t know how to get back up. I began spiraling, questioning my purpose in life. Surely life isn't about cleaning, sleeping, and making dinner....
Then, on May 3rd, I was in a car accident that has changed a lot for me.
Long story short, I was driving a mini cooper on the interstate when an 18 wheel semi came up beside me and unknowingly merged right into me into my driver’s side door. We were going 60 mph, give or take. I remember screaming, glass breaking (the semi’s headlight ended up in my lap), the dark shadow of the semi, and the smell of burnt rubber. I knew exactly what was going on the whole time and was just waiting for the semi to run me over at any second. By God’s grace I managed to “detach,'' get around and scrape the whole front of the semi’s bumper, cross more lanes of traffic, and come to a stop in the guardrail on the whole other side of the highway without get crushed or hit by other cars.
I got home later that day and just cried to my husband saying that no matter how useless I had been feeling about myself, the Lord had seen fit to spare my life. I was sure of it. If he wanted to take me, that would’ve been the perfect opportunity for Him to do so.
Life has felt a lot different for me since that day. I have a new set of struggles from this trauma of course but I haven’t struggled with my usual anxieties regarding my health for the first time ever. I’m starting to see what it means to actually rest in the fact that when the Lord sees fit for me to go, I’ll go and there will be nothing I can do to stop it. No amount of worrying will prolong it. No amount of caution will prevent it. It is simply in the hands of the Lord. I haven’t questioned my purpose the same way I used to either. Instead of feeling bad about myself, I have actually felt more motivated to figure out what the Lord wants out of my life. I now have a little pep in my step.
The Lord still has you here on purpose, for a purpose too.
There’s a worship song that says “if I’m not dead, you’re not done. Greater things are still to come” and that is so true for all of us. The Lord saves us and spares us every day in ways we probably aren't even aware of. If you're still here it's because God still has something for you. At this point in my life, that is all I need to know. I have a purpose and you do too. <3
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