When you and God don't see eye to eye

“I just feel like a little floaty, floating along in the ocean, being tossed and swayed wherever the wind decides to take me…”

Those were the words that I had used one night to express to my husband the frustration that I had been feeling about my life at the time. 

I won’t go into detail right now, but let’s just say that what I wanted to play out in my life, and what the Lord was playing out in my life, weren’t matching up, and I wasn’t happy about it.

I had deep personal desires that I knew the Lord was aware of, but when it came to how my life was going, I felt like He was not considering them whatsoever. I had goals in my mind that I felt were not even being acknowledged. My current circumstances began to affect how I viewed my life as a whole. 

I wanted to be obedient to what I knew the Lord had called me into, but that act of obedience was making me feel as though all of my goals and desires were being thrown on the backburner. 

My trust in Jesus was lacking without me really noticing. 

Looking for peace, I continued to turn to God’s word and prayer almost every day, but nothing seemed to make anything better. I was doing all of the right things I thought, but I never felt better or refreshed.

I rarely felt the Holy Spirit’s presence meeting with me or showing me glimpses of what the Lord was trying to do. I so desperately wanted some direction and peace through my obedience. I didn’t know what to do. 

I felt overwhelmed and discouraged. I felt as though I had no direction, stability, or vision. No thoughts of peace or confidence in God’s plan for my life. I was in a rut.

Can you relate at all?

Well, one day I decided to pick up my Bible and just start reading in the book of James. What I read hit me a little different this time but in the best way. 

James 1:5-8

5 “If any of you lacks wisdom let him ask God who gives generously to all without reproach and it will be given him. 

6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. 

7 For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord;

8 he is a double minded man, unstable in all his ways.”

When I read these verses, they hit me as if it were the first time I had ever read them. (Thank the Lord that His word is still active and alive!)

I was that person described in verse 5 who felt as though I lacked wisdom and who was searching for answers and wisdom in Jesus. I had asked for answers, solutions, and feelings of peace but felt as though I hadn’t received any of it. 

The kicker though is verse 6…. “Let him ask in faith with no doubting.” Right when I read that verse, it hit me.... I hadn’t been asking in full faith with no doubting. I had been praying to find peace in this season, but in the back of my head, a little part of me doubted how in the world I would ever feel fulfilled in this season. (Yikes)

The verses then go on to talk about how a person like this can be compared to a wave that is tossed by the sea, unstable in all his ways!! Woah. That’s almost the same verbiage that I had used to express to my husband how I felt. 

I can’t explain to you how eye opening it was for me when I read those verses that day. I had finally felt like I had heard from the Holy Spirit through his word and finally had some sort of direction. I needed to start practicing asking things from the Lord in FULL faith with NO doubting! 

It wasn't until I read those verses that I realized an important piece to the puzzle I was missing while trying to find peace and wisdom from Jesus. 

We must ask in full faith, doubting nothing. 

It literally says in verse 7 that the person who doubts should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. I was already off on the wrong foot! No wonder I wasn’t hearing from the Holy Spirit. No wonder I felt as though I wasn’t receiving anything from the Lord.  

We cannot be asking for direction or wisdom while halfway trusting and halfway doubting. His answer could very well be different than what we think it should be and that should be okay with us because we should fully trust Him.

We must practice having full confidence that whatever the Lord’s answer is to our life’s biggest questions is enough.

This concept is something that I am still learning and practicing every single day, but I just had to share this with you guys. It hit me in such a personal way, that I feel like someone else can relate.

Together lets practice asking for wisdom to all of life’s questions in FULL FAITH with NO DOUBTING! (Even if that faith turns out to be the size of a mustard seed. Use it up) No doubting here!

-Crystal Horton